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India reports 11,793 fresh infections and 27 deaths
India reported 11,793 fresh Covid-19 cases and 27 deaths in the 24 hours ending at 8 am on Tuesday. The new cases marked a decrease from the previous day’s over 17,000 new cases, data released by the Ministry of Health showed. The active cases in the country stood at 96,700. The daily positivity rate was recorded at 2.49 per cent. The 27 new fatalities included 13 from Kerala, five from Maharashtra, three each from Delhi and Punjab and one each from Madhya Pradesh, Mizoram and Uttarakhand.
The India Times 01 APR 2022
By AUTHENTIC TEXAN
04-01-21 BREAKING NEWS
A team of archeologists and ethnologists from THC University (THCU) is announcing today, a second expedition to reestablish contact with a “lost tribe” known as the Putinabs. The announcement comes on the one-year anniversary of the lost tribe’s discovery in a remote Himalayan valley on April 1st of last year.
Headlines of this return expedition were quickly buried under continuing coverage of the war in Ukraine, just as last year’s discovery was nearly lost in a deluge of Covid19 coverage. However, one startling detail did succeed at capturing the public’s imagination. Namely, the unusual item of clothing worn by the Putinab high priest: a golden breastplate arrayed with twelve jewels.
According to the priest, the vest is used to receive direct communication from God. When the priest asks God a question, the answer is given by the jewels lighting up in a particular sequence. A professor of ancient history at THCU, Dr. Shirley U. Gestit, suggested the vest is similar to the Urim and Thummim reportedly worn by the priesthood of the ancient Israelites. Does this mean that a band descended from one of the legendary ten lost tribes of Israel has been found? That’s exactly what the THC team is hoping to determine.
“Their name derives from a compound of the ancient Indo-European words for ‘people’ and ‘abbot’ or local priest,” said THC Professor Tate Urchips. “So Putinab simply means people of the abbot.” Though all but the most primitive of technology is Read more
By BOB O’BOBSTON
The UN-sponsored International Moose Census got off to a flying start today with hopes for an increase in the worldwide moose population compared to last year’s disapointing figures. Among the traditional early reporters were Egypt, returning figures of six moose, a twenty percent increase on 2011’s figures of five, and Uruguay whose moose population remains stable at eleven.
According to Robbie McRobson, head of the UN Moose Preservation Council, worldwide moose numbers are expected to grow markedly on last year due to the traditional moose strongholds of Canada and the United States, with the larger developing moose ecologies also poised to make gains.
The largest percentagege increase in moose will likely come from China’’, says McRobson, The Chinese government has invested heavily in moose infrastructure over the past decade, and their committment to macrofauna is beginning to pay dividends’’.
Since 2004 China has expanded moose pasture from 1.5% of arable land to nearly 3.648% and moose numbers are expected to rise to 60,000 making China a net moose exporter for the first time. This is good news for neighbouring Mongolia, a barren moose-wasteland whose inhabitents nonetheless have an insatiable desire for the creatures.
The increase in Beijing-Ulanbataar trade is anticipated to relieve pressure on the relatively strained Russian suppliers, but increase Mongolia’s imbalance of trade with its larger neighbour. Historically the only competitor to China in the far eastern moose markets has been Singapore but the tiny island nation is set to report a net loss, expecting a decrease of more than five percent on last year’s 50,000 moose counted Read more
By ROY MCROYSTON
Records were smashed in Nicaragua’s World Wrestling Championship last night as 78-year-old Maud Johnson, grandmother of five, became the first woman for fifty-six years, and the oldest competitor ever, to claim the gold medal. She walked away with her million dollar share of the prize money, runner up Tommy Thompson from Nigeria taking half a million, and third place New Zealander John Smith receiving a warm handshake from the umpire.
Having started the tournament a rank outsider she began to impress in her second match when she took US number three Ron Ronson by surprise and subdued him in twenty seconds with her unique move that has been dubbed “Maud’s Death Grip”. The injection of a new wrestling style into the tournament was welcomed by spectators and Johnson’s pre- and post-match breakdances have proved entertaining to fans.
However, she was still not expected to win in round three last Wednesday, facing off against title-holder Paulo “SpineSnapper” Lutti, of Vatican City. Underdog Johnson was soon showing her worth with stamina and agility easily matching last year’s winner.
Lutti’s experience paid off initially as he took the first two rounds, but as Johnson became more confident her superior strength came to the fore and she clawed back two rounds to take the contest into a decider. By this time Lutti’s body language indicated that he already felt overawed by the pretender to his crown, and the newcomer took advantage of this to engage a mutual headlock which she held for three hours until the Vatican man retired from exhaustion. The next seven matches were barely a contest as the news of Johnson’s supremacy overawed all her opponents who became too indimidated to fight properly Read more
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